i am writing a FAQ for my website. the term FAQ faqing bores me, it’s way too overused. and boring, and dull, and bland, and trite, and and and. nobody asks me that many questions, so i’m making all of them up. FAQ my ass. clients just get in touch and say, ” hey, i like your style/read your articles in X and really like your voice. would you like to write XYZ for me? ETC.” and my answer is almost always yes. word. but that’s not a good FAQ. faq it.



wooooo, i haven’t done this in a while. but here we go again.

1. hummus

2. public transportation

3. being able to cover my ears with my fingers and hands to block out noise

4. foot massages

5. naomi’s loving friendship

cat bliss


purring cat on lap = bliss

amid violence and chaos, women unite to do what they can to maintain a way of life they can live with (2000-2008).

The ways in which women engage in acts of resistance range from everyday simple acts, which when maintained over a period of time, can become transformational and extreme, leading to organised and confrontational acts (Green, 1999). Women in the Niger Delta have used and continue to use a variety of forms of resistance such as dancing and singing, collective action including demonstrations and strikes, testimonies, silence, and the use of culturally specific responses such as stripping naked. They have also refused to alter work routines and habits such as opening up market stalls, collecting water, participating in women’s meetings and they have struggled to maintain their daily routines amidst the chaos and violence that surrounds them. These acts of resistance are bound within local cultures as well as with the socioeconomic and political context.

an essay has been published on these women and their peaceful protests.

lately i’ve been burning my kettle – setting it to boil water for tea and completely forgetting about it. all of the water will evaporate and the kettle will become splotched black.

today i burned almost 3 cups of chickpeas i was boiling for hummus and cutlets. shit.

do i have more shit than usual on my mind or have i stepped into some sort of temp-amnesia downward spiral?

it took me weeks to get back to her.

apparently, we had a [massive] misunderstanding last time we got together. she was there with a bunch of people while the plan was to play basketball, just us. who were they? why wasn’t she greeting me? why was i being ignored? why was i, after 5 minutes, given a ball and told her that i by could go bounce it in the other court? i waited 10 minutes more although i was livid already–so that i could say tht i gave her time, you see. to gain leverage and win others over to my side. evidently, i can be quite insecure. i even called a mutual acquaintance/friend of mine to tell her the situation as i was sitting there being snubbed, because it felt so surreal: is this really actually happening right now? what. the. fuck!

and it was. and sadly [?] i had required another person’s perspective, a second opinion—why was mine not enough?—i seem unable to trust my own judgment sometimes. sometimes, it happens often. because i have a history of lousy short-term memory due to depression and psychotropics and possibly due to others exploiting that fact to deceive me (although i doubt that would have happened often).

seeking peace

seeking peace

what i learned, then:

1. i sometimes/often need others’ validation of my impressions and thoughts–> feelings. not healthy? but at the same time, not egocentric. at the same time, not impulsive but cautious. i wanted to avoid a scene and feeling upset. i wanted to be sure that my rage was worth the emotional pain. so is this healthy or unhealthy? if it is both, which is it more? and why?

2. i took weeks to respond to her apologetic email, and i never called her back or texted her back. by that night, she had tried reaching me several times. i neglected to answer the call because i was fucking pissed and would have told her to go to hell, and neglected to text her venomous words because, well, i ran out of credit. good thing, too. it would have upset me more to also have that rage extended through time due to the additional memory of texting angry words and awaiting a response, imagining her reaction, her impression of the situation, and being terribly pessimistic about it.

finally tonight. today, at 6am after yoga and a shower, feeling better from being sick for 5 days, i suddenly remembered the issue and felt ready to deal with it. so i wrote her a respectful and nonjudgmental email: i only told her what my impressions were using a lot of “i” statements (e.g. i felt ignored, as opposed to you ignored me). because in truth, i cannot judge. not accurately, because i do not know what her experience was of all this. and i am very glad and truly happy that i have reached thsi level of consciousness and emotional enlightenment, if you will, as it brings me peace. empathy. compassion, even. and it’s 200% better than feeling upset and demeaned.  i will try to keep this conscientious state of awareness and nonjudgment with me. it’s all about practice, after all, eh?

3. the importance of clear  communication cannot be overstated enough. truly. what a necessity for sanity!