Shit life decisions

11Nov09

danger cliff

I’ve been making shit “life decisions” since around the time I graduated from college. It wasn’t that many years ago, but it feels like ages.

Law school. Yes.

NO!

Move back to my native town instead of trying harder to make things right so I don’t have to.

NO NO NO!

That one really fucked me up. I ended up with the best boyfriend I’ve ever had, but still. Most things were shit. But it was the first time I ever had a family – of my own making, where I felt cozy and loved. I adopted a dog who is now one of my best friends, or maybe my best friend. Perhaps these two things made it all worthwhile. And realizing that law school wasn’t the way to go was good too – but wouldn’t I have found out anyway, and probably before taking out a zillion loans?

Move back again.

NO!

And here I am now. Moved back, again. Regretting my choice, again. Now, after having gone through so much shit, wondering if it’s the shift I need to keep growing. You know, because pain brings growth.

But, fuck, isn’t there a nicer way to grow? I’m so over this pain thing.

 

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